12 YEARS AFTER YOUR DEATH, MAMA.................

It's 2012.
12 years after your tragic death, which up to this moment, the cause has not been disclosed.
I am still the culprit which is created and rumored by your favorite daughter, Novie, who I believed really caused your death. And since I have no money to finance the autopsy, I just let everything happen. I let you go without any autopsy. 

When you died in 2000, I was already very, very poor, mother. I already gave everything to you and to my siblings. I didn't leave anything for myself, only my undies and my other personal belongings. 

When you died in 2000, I was trying to pick up my pieces. 
You got everything from me including the house and lot that I bought and financed. Nothing was left for me, only heartaches and pains. These pains accumulated and still felt today because of the things that happened after your death.

Many miserable things had happened.
I thought after your death, our sibling rivalry would end.
But to my dismay, our sibling rivalry became so serious, I mean very, very serious that it resulted to the ''killing'' of my brother Bern, and betrayal of each member of our family.

I am trying my best to patch up things.
I have been trying my best to mend all the wounds that you created.
I have been trying to change the culture of this family, the family that is not really a family.

I am soooooooooooooooooooooo sad to reveal in this blog that our family is a very devastated and broken family, that I am a product of a totally wrecked family who I am trying to unite, or have been trying to unite.

To this date, August 25th, 2012, a day before your death anniversary, I ONLY have Marivic and Arthuro by my side.
Though when you died, they were not really on my side. I had Bern and Julie that time. BUT NOW, things have changed. Bern was ''killed'' by his favorite niece and had been betrayed by his favorite sister, NOT ME, of course.  Julie has become my enemy, my worst enemy who I believe has hindered me from ''claiming'' all that I need to claim.

Money, jealousy, and rivalry are the causes of this family feud and conflict. I'm so sorry. But I can't do anything anymore. I have tried my best to be a ''mother'' to my siblings after your death though GOD KNOWS THAT I HAVE BEEN THE FATHER AND THE MOTHER IN THIS FAMILY EVEN IF YOU AND DADDY WERE STILL ALIVE.

NOW, I KNOW THE REASON WHY I AM LEFT BEHIND.
You and daddy weren't able to fix this family. GOD gave me the chance to make this family united because it has been my dream. And GOD HAS MADE ME REALIZE THAT OUR FAMILY HAS NOWHERE TO GO. I changed it a bit, but still jealousy, greediness, and rivalry are evident even in the personalities and traits of my nephews and nieces.

So sad that these genes are present in my blood. And soooooooooooo sad that this type of blood runs into my body.
You were killed by your favorite daughter. Bern was killed by his favorite niece. And I am ''killed'' by you.

Matricide, fatricide, and filicide are usual and ordinary acts in this family. History will always repeat itself. These criminal acts will be done from one generation to another generation of this family. Soooooooooooooooooooooo sad that I have the genes of Padua and Ayende. I am NOT REALLY PROUD OF MY NAME. BUT I CAN'T DO ANYTHING.....AS A THERAPY, I HAVE TO USE IT FROM THEN ON....Jean PADUA AYENDE....sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo LONELY!